There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
