Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
