Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
