I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
