I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There's even glitter on my cock...
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