some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i believe in u and ur pee
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