Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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