Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
