Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
