That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
