he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
