I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
