I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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