you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
