You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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