Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
