he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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