lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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