Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
