Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
