all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
