I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
