Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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