I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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