my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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