Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
