I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
