I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
