it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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