but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
