Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
