meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
