so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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