i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
