What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
