I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
