just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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