just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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