just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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