I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize