Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize