Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize