"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
