he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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