we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
bring money and cleavage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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