He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
