we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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