at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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