saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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