Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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