I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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