Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
