we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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