How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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