I'm really into asian looking animals
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize