i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
