hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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