do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
