You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
