it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize