it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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