please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
