did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
