Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
