I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
