2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
