Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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