i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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