That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
