I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
